EXTERIORIZATION

The flowing breeze that lifts me off my feet
A warmth of subtle embrace protects me when I sleep
Serenity of beingness builds a bridge of certainty
Knowledge with no more secrets frees up myself a plenty
Time becomes a consideration of a viewpoint in space
Matter is now controlled from my point of view with no haste
The static that one was, is again revealed
No more chains of uncertainty or mystery will ever be concealed!
Freedom to be, to do and to have is fully realized
Knowing that it only takes ones own view to visualize!
A state in where you are free to no longer be just a body
But to be exterior to the body and be at once anything and anybody.
Perceptions revitalized to the degree of no aberrations
Utilizing you to be more you with full sensation
This is what we are to be, do and have naturally
Now I know I am with no doubt factually!

CONUNDRUM

CAN'T STAND THE NOISE WITHIN
FEELING STRAINED AND SOMEWHAT CAVED IN
LOOKING FOR WAYS TO HANDLE MY SITUATION
GETTING MORE CONFUSION AND FAILED INVESTIGATIONS
WHAT NOW SHOULD I DO TO MAKE IT ALL GO RIGHT
SOLUTIONS ARE PLENTY BUT NOTHING REAL IN SIGHT
WANTING TO YELL OUT THAT I'VE HAD ENOUGH
BUT SUPPRESSING MY ANGER AND BUILDING UP MORE STUFF
OHH! THE CONUNDRUM OF LIFE IS AN INTERESTING GAME
FAILING AT WINNING AND HIDING MY HEAD IN SHAME
TO BE CAUSE OF ALL THAT IS, CAN REALLY ADD MORE EFFECTS ON ONE
ONLY STARING INTO THE BLISS OF DARKNESS, ZOMBIE-LIKE AND STUNNED!
LISTING OUT ALL THAT I DID TO CREATE SUCH A LOSS
WHERE I GAVE UP MY CAUSE AND DECIDED NOT TO BE THE BOSS
SEARCHING AND YEARNING WITH NO END IN SIGHT
ONLY A CONTINUATION OF MY ABERRATED PLIGHT!
WHY SO NEGATIVE SO YOU STATE
IF ONLY YOU WALKED A MILE IN MY SHOES
IS WHERE YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HOW I BECAME THE BAIT!

I WRITE

THE PAGES OF MY LIFE AT THIS MOMENT SEEMS VERY SCATTERED
LOOKING FOR SOME SEMBLANCE OF NIRVANA WHILST BEING BATTERED
I KNOW NOT THE FATE OF MY DEEDS ARE TAKEN NOTICE
ALL I AM IS THIS A HUMANITARIAN LOTUS
DOESN'T SEEM TO MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL
WHAT ENTRANCING FOIBLES CAN I DO TODAY TO FALL?

POSSIBLY I MIGHT JUST BE THAT OF A CYNIC
SHOULD I BE PUT AWAY IN SOME PSYCHIATRIC CLINIC?
ITS FUNNY HOW I TRY NOT TO RHYME WHEN I WRITE
BUT IT COMES OUT NATURALLY AND WHEN I DON'T IS QUITE A FIGHT!
YOU MAY CALL MY WRITING AMATEUR AND INEXPERIENCED
I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE TOO SERIOUS!

I WRITE TO EXPRESS MY DEPTH OF EMOTION
TO DREAM AND LOVE WITH ALL DEVOTION
I WRITE TO LET MYSELF FREE FROM THAT WHICH BOUNDS ME
SO I CAN FLY AND PREDICT WHAT THERE IS TO SEE
I WRITE TO SPEW THE VENOMS OF PERSONAL TRAGEDIES
TO SET MY SIGHTS HIGH ABOVE ALL MY ENEMIES
I WRITE SO THE PAIN DOESN'T FEEL UNBEARABLE
SO AS TO LAUGH AT IT ALL AND NOT FEEL SO TERRIBLE!

I DON'T HAVE A POETRY STYLE LIKE MANY OTHERS
I JUST REALLY DO MY THING AND CAN'T BE BOTHERED!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE HOW I EXPRESS THINGS IN MY WRITING
THEN GET A LIFE AND FIND SOME OTHER FOOL TO BE CRITICIZING!

TO BE SINGLE IS TO BE (Inspired by my dear friend Galina Sobolev designer of Single Fashion)

SINGLE TO ME DOESN’T MEAN TO BE ALONE OR TO FEEL REJECTED
OR BE OUT GROWN
SINGLE IS TO BE FREE TO EXPRESS YOUR INNER BEAUTY
YOUR OWN PERSONAL STYLE
TO SEE THE POSSIBLITIES OF CREATING AN ESTHETIC FUTURE
SO AS TO BE SHOWN!
A SINGLE INDIVIDUAL CAN MAKE A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR ENVIRONMENT
ONE SINGLE PERSON TO STAND AGAINST INJUSTICE AMONGST ALL THE NEGATIVE COMMENTS
EVERYONE IS SINGULARLY RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING A BETTER TOMORROW
TO LEAVE YOUR TROUBLES BEHIND AND WASH AWAY THE PAST SORROWS
SINGLE IS TO STAND AND BE CONNECTED AS ONE WITH OTHERS AND CREATE A BRIGHTER FUTURE
TO HELP THOSE IN NEED AND TO HAVE CHILDREN TO NURTURE!

SO AS YOU CAN SEE TO BE SINGLE IS TO BE:
POWERFUL,
BRILLIANT,
LOVING,
SUCCESSFUL,
HELPING,
FREEING,
CONNECTED,
CONFIDENT
AND TO BE A BRILLIANT LIGHT FOR ALL TO HAVE A SAFE HAVEN TO CREATE AND ALWAYS BE GREAT!

U.S. - PARISIEN

Je suis un Américain, mais mon coeur désire ardemment pour les Français
Something about the French lifestyle entices me to express what I have to say
Les Parisiens sont un ensemble de style magnifique
Almost as if they did it on purpose to be more dramatic

La beauté, la culture et l'amour pour ce pays
Entices me in all of the French way
Cette histoire partout où vous regardez dans la ville
I adore all the cities in France especially Deauville!

Les bons souvenirs de la voile au large des côtes du village
If you have never experienced France then I say “C’est domage!”
Oh! L'amour et la passion que l'on expérimente ici
Even to just be down at the Cote D’Azur relaxing by the sea!

Qu'est-ce qu'un lieu d'hypnose pour définir votre libre disposition de soi artistiques
With a combination of the old world merging with the new and modern is quite fantastic!
Par exemple, la Tour Eiffel, l'Arc de Triomphe et Montparnasse
Let’s loose my ultimate creativity and charming finesse

Ah! Paris! Comment j'ai beaucoup Je t'aime tant
Filled with pleasure to express it, but I just can’t
Il ne résonnent pas mon sentiment vrai pour vous
So I try to write it because that is all I can really do!

STRONG INTEREST (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

Dedicated in my search for all that is of whom we truly are
Passion drives me to distant lands that seem infinitely far
Intent on discovering what my role in this story is all about
Eager to scream once found and share to whoever listens aloud

Great interest in what the future may hold
Powerful postulates is what will unfold
This fervent feeling boiling deep within
A great activity so much so I forget to breathe in!

Such strong awareness of self resonates throughout
Noticing the body for once is on the ground
Being ever so present has such importance
Now future pursuit leaves a great deal of relevance

Inspired by a friend who writes with such clarity
Biting curiosity left me with such ferocity
Convincing was he to that degree I was sold
For I was compelled by him or so I’m told

The brilliance of this funny life game
Is clear to see that I really have no shame!
Dazzling my way through the crowd
Glares and whispers are just sounds

My strong interest in others leaves me to ponder
Too keen on flying leaving them to wonder
Oh the freedom of so much appeal
Shall be fascinating to those that I reveal

The advantage that you can have in such a state
Leaves no room for anyone to debate
To be of strong interest one can move further into the stratosphere
And become one and all in this frivolous atmosphere!

CONSERVATISM (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

As I awaken myself to higher places of emotions
I realize I am now at a state of conventional devotion
Conforming to what is perceived to be safe
No longer the avant-garde becoming more behaved

Old school ideas and traditions is what I have always been sold
Now my own cautiousness conveys my own story to be told
To bring about an understanding of my state of affairs
Careful not to have major changes ashamed at the stares

Having respect for those who chose to be traditionalist
I myself support these values as being marvelous
In awe of such a conservative state of mortality
Kind of uptight with little to know personality

The essence of being overly cautious can bring a false sense of security
I guess all in moderation is alright as long as one also looks for more activity
Otherwise the more careful one becomes
The less adventurous and free are in some

Morally speaking this feeling of conservatism is speculative
It all seems to me that this condition is quite tentative
Positioning myself to be a bit unadventurous
Promoting that it’s better to be a naturalist

What do I know about any of these things?
Except for my own experience of what it brings
A higher part of the lower state of the mind
But better at this level of any of its lower kind

Now if I’m not making any sense at all
It’s because my own understanding is somewhat wrapped up like a ball
Bring in the martinet so that I make sure I stick with my ideals
Now I know why one becomes a tyrant and how this person truly feels!

BOREDOM (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

LISTENING IN ON HOW JADED PEOPLE ARE ABOUT THEIR SUPPOSED PASSION
GETS ME FED UP WITH HAVING TO LISTEN TO THEM IN THIS FASHION
UNINTERESTED WITH WHAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY
WISHING TO BE SOME OTHER PLACE MORE FASCINATING OR JUST TO HAVE A BETTER DAY
TIRED FROM HAVING TO EXPLAIN WHY I SEARCH FOR MORE
WHEN ALL I REALLY WANT OTHERS TO DO IS JUST PLEASE WALK THEMSELVES OUT THE DOOR
BORED TO TEARS WITH SUCH IRKSOME FUTILITIES
WEARY OF THE ACCEPTANCE OF LACK OF ABILITIES
TURNED OFF BY MY OWN SELFISH UNKNOWINGNESS
TEDIOUSLY SEARCHING FOR MY NIRVANA OR IS IT CALLED SELF BLISS?
AN OBSERVATION OF THE WORLD-WEARINESS IS VERY DISCONCERTING
CONFUSED TO THE POINT OF BEING INTROVERTED AND PAINFULLY HURTING
PERPLEXED BY THE IDEA THAT ONE COULD BE IN A STATE OF BOREDOM
ALARMED AT THE FACT THAT A WHOLE SOCIETY COULD BE SO IN THIS KINGDOM
IT’S TIRING TO HAVE SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO SEARCHING FOR SELF TRUTH
SOMETIMES WILLING TO ACCEPT THE UNBEARABLE TO SOOTH
BUT THEN AGAIN THE WAY OUT IS THE WAY THROUGH SO I’M TOLD
THIS IS ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET THROUGH THIS BORED PHASE AND NOT FOLD

MONOTONY (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

AS I AWAKE FROM MY SLEEP I GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF MY MORNING ROUTINE
THE REPETITIVENESS OF MY ACTIONS REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS BACK IN MY TEENS
ISN’T IT INTERESTING HOW THE SAMENESS OF OUR LIVES CONSTITUTES A SENSE OF SURVIVAL
LIKE WE’VE SOMEHOW AGREED THAT SAME ACTIONS RESULTS IN OUR ARRIVAL
BUT WHERE DID WE ARRIVE AT OR IS IT JUST AN ILLUSION OF SOME SORT OF ACCOMPLISHMENT
OR IS IT SOMETHING DEEPER OF OUR OWN MINDLESS TESTAMENT?
I DON’T MEAN TO SOUND AT ALL CYNICAL BUT ONLY QUESTION WHAT IS THIS ENNUI THAT WE CONTINUE TO ACCEPT IN OUR LIVES
CORRECTION, I SHOULD SPEAK OF MY OWN LANGUOR WHICH CALLS ATTENTION ON MY OWN DRIVE
THIS HOMOGENOUS LIFESTYLE THAT WE SEEM TO AGREE UPON
PERSONALLY I CAN’T ENDURE ITS MONOTONY AND I SHOUT OUT LOUD THAT I AM DONE!!!
SUCH TEDIUS CONSISTENCY GETS ME IN A STATE OF DREAD
THE REGULARITY OF MY STANDARDIZED LIFE MAKES ME WISH I WERE DEAD!
UNIFORMLY I OF COURSE WAVER UPON MY OWN RESOLUTION
BECAUSE I ONLY ARRIVE AT THE DULLNESS OF MY OWN DECISIONS

A SCORCHING REALITY ( A COLLECTION OF POETRY)

Passing by an enormous cloud of smoke
Not realizing that such beauty could turn into a major tragedy
Seeing all the crazy evacuation and the terrified faces of these folks
Consumed too much polluted air head is spinning feeling like I'm loosing gravity
I turn to see what is up ahead in the brilliant red orange gleem
Is it my savior come to take me and wash my hands clean?
Suddenly all is blackness not sure if I fainted
Just remembering everything around me was overwhelmingly tainted
I hear a voice saying everything will be alright, my mind immediately reminisces the Bob Marley song
Again this voice now saying hang in there! Which jolts me back to the present situation
And I realize that it wasn't my savior singing me a song from Bob Marley but a fireman who lifts me up like I'm light as a feather and takes me to a safer location
Reprieved to know that my life hasn't ended and for the first time I'm okay with being wrong.

JUST LIKE A CAT

YOU….SO PROUD AS YOU STRUT ALONG LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG
I JUST GAZING OVERWHELMED WITH ENVY BY MY OWN LACK OF CONTROL
HOW DO YOU CRAWL AND PLAY WITH NO CARE BUT YOUR OWN
WHEN I FEEL CHOKED FULL OF CONFUSION OF HOW TO MAKE IT MY OWN?
OH! TO BE YOU AND LET OTHERS TAKE CARE OF ME WHILST I SIT FIGURING OUT HOW TO BE A BETTER ME!
SOMETIMES YOU GAZE ON ME WITH SUCH CRITICISM IN YOUR EYES
LIKE YOU ARE LAUGHING AT ME WITH SUCH DISPISE
ONLY YOU COVER THIS THOUGHT WITH BEING SO CARING AND LOVING
BUT I WONDER IF YOU HAD THE ABILITY TO SAY WHAT YOU THOUGHT MAYBE THEN THE TRUTH IS YOUR LOVE IS NOT
YOU RUB AGAINST ME WANTING TO GET MY FULL ATTENTION BUT YET YOU’RE SO SELFISH THAT YOU DON’T BOTHER TO EVEN MENTION
ALL YOU DESIRE IS TO BE CARESSED THEN ONCE YOU GET YOUR FILL YOU LEAVE LIKE A HOOKER PAID THAT GOES AND QUICKLY GETS REDRESSED
DON’T BOTHER ME WITH YOUR SILLY ANTICS OF WANTING LOVE
BECAUSE IN THE END IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU WHEN IT COMES TO BEING PUSHED AND SHOVED!
MY DEAR, MY DEAR HOW SILLY AND RIDICULOUS YOU CAN BE
TO KNOW THAT IT ISN’T AT ALL ABOUT YOU WANTING ME
STILL I CAN BARE THE IDEA OF YOU BEING TRUE
AT LEAST IT KEEPS ME GOING AND FOR A MOMENT DISSAPATES ALL THAT MAKES ME BLUE
CAT I MUST CONFESS YOUR LOVE IS AS INFECTIOUS AS A HUMMING BIRDS WINGS FLUTTERING FASTER THAN I CAN SEE WITH THE NAKED EYE
BASICALLY STATING YOU CAT ARE QUITE THE MANIPULATOR AND VERY….VERY SLY!!

ANTAGONISM (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

WHAT YOU DID TO ME I CANNOT FORGIVE YOU AT THIS MOMENT
MY ENMITY STOPS ME FROM GRANTING YOU YOUR ATONEMENT
YOU CAN’T PRETEND TO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE SUCH ANIMOSITY
WHEN YOU BROUGHT THIS ABOUT BY YOUR VERY OWN HOSTILITY
THIS BITTERNESS IN ME IS LIKE A RANCID TASTING RED WINE
SUCH ANTIPATHY YOU SHOULD BE READING AS A CAUTIOUS SIGN
COOPERATING WITH YOU IS NOT OF ANY INTEREST
HONESTLY I HAVE TO SAY I DISLIKE YOUR FRIENDLINESS
ILL FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU HAVE NOW BEEN ESTABLISHED
I FIND YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES ALL FILLED WITH RUBBISH
STOP EXPLAINING WHAT EXCUSES YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MISTAKES
THE RESENTMENT I FEEL FOR YOU IS BECAUSE ALL YOU ARE IS A FAKE!
LAUGHING AT THE VERY THOUGHT THAT YOU ALSO COULD HAVE ILL WILL
TRUTHFULLY MY ANTAGONISM KEEPS ME FROM EVEN CARING BECAUSE ALL I THINK OF IS FOR YOU TO BE KILLED!
WELL NOT COMPLETELY EXTERMINATED BUT JUST ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU SUFFER AND TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH YOU OFFENDED ME EXASPERATED!
I GUESS I COULD FORGIVE YOU....BUT NO! I WANT YOU TO SUFFER A LITTLE AND GET A BIT LOW
OH! ALRIGHT! FINE! I GUESS I SHOULD SHOW SOME COMPASSION AND EXONERATE
SINCE IT IS WITHIN MY POWER TO KNOW THAT KINDNESS IS NEVER TOO LATE

ANGRY (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

ANNOYED AT THE LAST POEM I WROTE NOW A COMPLETE FEELING OF RAGE I MUST EMOTE!
INFURIATED BY MY LACK OF CREATIVITY TOO RILED UP TO EXTEND MY ABILITY!
WHAT STUPIDITY WAS THAT IN MY LAST LIMERICK! I WANT OTHERS TO GET MAD AT ME AND HIT ME WITH SOME BRICKS!
WAY TOO MAD TO EVEN SPEAK OF THIS
WANTING TO HIT SOMEONE OR UTTERLY JUST CUT MY WRIST!
GNASHING MY TEETH AT ANY SOUND THAT IS MADE
DESIRING TO SLASH IT SILENT WITH A BLADE!
PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME WITH MY MADNESS INFURIATED
I DO BELIEVE THEY HIDE WHAT THEY FEEL ABOUT ME IRRITATED!
INDESCRIBABLE RESENTMENT TOWARDS ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY
UNSPEAKABLE PROFANITIES VOMITING OUT OF MY MOUTH
REVOLTED BY THE LACK OF ORDER THAT LOOKS AS IF IT WENT AWAY
RAPIDLY DRIVING MY HORRENDOUS THOUGHTS FURTHER SOUTH!
BOILING FEELINGS REACHING THE HIGHEST FAHRENHEIT
SWELTERING UP AND CRINGING AT MY OWN MISPLACED SPITE!
GOING FURTHER ASTRAY BALKING AT MYSELF ABSOLUTELY ENRAGED
TOTALLY CONFUSED OF WHAT I AM ANGRY AT OF WHICH I’M UTTERLY ENGAGED!
SHOUTING AND YELLING GETTING ALL EXASPERATED
LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR WANTING TO THROW A ROCK AT IT INFURIATED!
LONGING TO JUST MAKE ANOTHER SEE RED
BUT ANGER WITHIN ME IS ALL I GET INSTEAD!
STEADILY I CONTINUE TO WIND MYSELF UP
ONLY WISHING THAT WHATEVER IS MAKING MY BLOOD BOIL TO PLEASE JUST STOP!
REACTING LIKE A SNAKE THAT IS READY TO LUNGE AND BITE
JUST LIKE AN OBSESSED BOXER WHO IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A FIGHT!
KNOWING FULL WELL SOMETHING IS RISING WITHIN MYSELF
NOTICING THAT ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS FOR SOMEONE TO COME AND HELP.

ANXIETY (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

NOT HAVING CERTAINTY WITH WHAT TO DO WITH ONESELF
FILLED WITH WORRY AND NO ONE TO TURN TO FOR HELP
FRETTING ABOUT SOME SILLY LITTLE THING
CONSUMED BY ITS OBLIQUE IMPORTANCE OF WHAT IT COULD BRING
NERVOUSNESS ENCOMPASSING MY PERFORMANCE
KNOWING FOR SURE THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE HAS TOWARDS ME MALEVOLENCE
OBSESSING IN REGARDS TO WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK
HAVING ANGST ON KEEPING A CLOSE WATCH AND DON’T FOR ONE SECOND BLINK
THIS EXPENDED APPREHENSION SOMETIMES GIVES ME A TIC
SOME ODD HABIT WHICH PERSISTS AND I CAN’T SEEM TO LICK!
GUZZLING DOWN TOO MUCH UNIMPORTANT INFORMATION
DROWNING IN STUTTERED WORDS WHICH GOES IN DEVIATION
PLAYING WITH YOUR HAIR BITING ON YOUR FINGERNAILS
ALL THIS DISQUIET TO DIRECT SOME RELEASE SO AS TO NOT GO OFF THE RAILS
WONDERING IF IT ISN’T REALLY TOO LATE TO HAVE GONE DOWN SO DEEP
SINCE ONE IS CONTINUALLY HAVING PROBLEMS WITH LACK OF SLEEP
EVEN THE ASSONANCE OF MY WRITING REFLECTS A BIT OF UNEASE
LETTING LOOSE OF THE MADNESS OF MY MIND TO APPEASE
CIRCULATING IDEAS OF SENSELESS PHILOSOPHIES
ALL CAUGHT UP IN WILD PROFANITIES
ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT ONES FEARS DEVOTED TO SPORADIC ATTENTION BRINGING ONE TO TEARS
CONCERNED ABOUT SUCH MINUTE STUFF PERPLEXED BY ANOTHERS REBUFF
DISCOURAGED TO A POINT OF COMPLETE ANGST NO REASSURANCE AT ALL FOR THEIR BANKS
THIS ANXIETY GETS VERY OVERWHELMING PSYCHIATRIST NAMED IT A.D.D.
THEY HAVE EVEN GONE TO A POINT WHERE THEY PRESCRIBE YOU MEDICATION
AND THE RESULT IS YOUR MOTIVATION TO BE INSANE AND JUST GO LA DADEE DADA DEE DEE!
OH PLEASE TAKE THIS ANXIETY AWAY I DON’T WANT IT RUNNING ANYMORE ON AUTOPLAY!

APATHY (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

LACK OF INTEREST IN ALL THAT THERE IS
NO ENERGY TO SHOW OF LIKE A DAY OLD SODA THAT HAS LOST ALL ITS FIZZ
DROOPINESS SHOWING IN THE EYES
MISTAKEN FOR BOREDOM WHICH REALLY IS JUST MORE OF A DISGUISE
A LETHARGIC LIFE FILLED OF NO HOPE
COPING ONLY WITH CHEMICAL SUBSTANCES THAT WE CALL DOPE
SMOKING IT UP FALSIFYING THAT EVERYTHING IS GREAT
KNOWING FULL WELL THAT IN OUR MINDS WE ALL THINK IT’S TOO LATE!
OUR INDIFFERENCE TOWARDS WHAT IS THERE ONLY GOES TO THE POINT OF GETTING NOWHERE
THE LANGUOR OF THIS BODY IS UNBEARABLE
BUT YET WE COPE SIMPLY TO BE SUSTAINABLE
WHICH MERELY STATES THAT OUR WEARINESS CONTINUES ON
JUST A DREAM THAT ONE DAY IT ALL WILL BE GONE
LACK OF WILLPOWER TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
EVEN STILL MY MOTIVATION IS ONLY TO STARE AND SIT
NO CHOICE OR CONTROL LOST IN MYSTERY
BUT MOST OF ALL PRESENTLY LIVING IN HISTORY
FUTURE IS TOO FAR TO SEE THE PRESENT IS TOO CLOSE TO BE
BUT THE PAST FEELS SAFE TO HIDE IN
SO THE MIND GOES THERE TO ABIDE
NOT REALIZING THE BODY IS STILL COPING WITH NO RESPONSIBILITY AT ALL
SO IT CREATES PROBLEMS AND ACCIDENTS JUST WAITING FOR THAT GREAT FALL!
STOMACHING AND HOLDING IN THE PAIN SUBSIDING IT WITH A ZOMBIE LIKE DISDAIN.
GIVING AN APATHETIC SMILE NOT INTERESTED IN MUCH DOING SO BUT ONLY ONCE IN A WHILE
THIS APATHY FEELS SO HOPELESS LIKE NOTHING IS WORTH IT FEELING ALL TOO USELESS
DOOMED TO FAILURE THE BLEAKNESS OF MY EXISTENCE
NOT INTERESTED AT ALL IN BEING PERSISTENT.
DAYS AND YEARS THEY ALL GO BY
HOWEVER DEEP DOWN ALL I WANT TO DO IS SILENTLY CRY!

INSOMNIA (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

MY MIND IS IN CONSTANT MOTION FINDING A PATH OF DEVOTION
TAUNTING ME ENDLESSLY NOT LETTING GO RESTLESSLY
THE TURMOIL OF BEING ME IS AS DARK AS THE MIDNIGHT SEA
WITH NO MOON TO SHINE UPON ONLY BLACKNESS THEN EVERYTHING IS GONE
SEARCHING FOR A REPOSE CAN’T SEEM TO AGREE WITH WHAT I CHOSE
KNOWING ONLY THAT THE CHALLENGES AHEAD ARE CONSTANTLY HAUNTING ME IN A STATE OF DREAD
TOO MUCH THINK ABOUT NOT MUCH ELSE FOR ME TO JUST RELAX
ALWAYS SLIPPING AND SLIDING ABOUT MY THOUGHTS LIKE A BED OF WAX
STAY STILL I SAY TO MYSELF BUT BEING STILL ISN’T ALLOWED AND DOES NOT SEEM TO HELP
SHIFTING IDEAS FORMING INTO ENIGMAS OF UNSOLVED RIDDLES THAT ARE MORE LIKE DOGMAS
YET I STAY AND I PONDER BUT THE OUTCOME IS JUST ONE LARGE WONDER
THE MAGIC OF SLEEP IS SO FOREIGN WHICH SEEMS UNATTAINABLE
THIS STIGMA OF INSOMNIA IS THE ONLY CRUX OBTAINABLE!!!

TO BE OR NOT TO BE (Inspired by a friend over lunch)

Countless tribulations that make it so very difficult to be
All answers are pointing to just be rid of it and not to be me
Questions fill my mind of thoughts of suicide but the ego steps in with too much pride
Lurking in the dark are queries of how one can accomplish such an atrocity
Yet the enormous difficulties make this issue much simpler to have such veracity
The issue of should I get a revolver and wrap my quivering lips around it
Alas the resolution would be an unrecognizable face and the mortician will have trouble and throw a fit
Not to mention the mess that would make and the nightmares of the one who finds me must now partake
Ah hah! A simpler more silent means is to get a noose and kick the chair from under me
But what if it doesn’t work and somehow the rope breaks; now a bruise is apparent for others to see!
A better solution is to find a bridge and just jump into the abyss
Ah bugger! With my luck it won’t be sudden and end up crippled because I missed!
Just get on with it already! Here is a bottle of Aspirins and a bottle of Gin
Take it and consume it all so that is where I shall begin
The sour taste of the aspirins as they wash down my throat
A smooth strong taste of gin burning as it is swallowed – I sit back and gloat
Oh God! What did I just do what stupidity! What madness!
I don’t want to die like this consumed with sadness!
My body starts to wobble my head is feeling hazy
Tears overflowing I realize I need help because I’m crazy!
Is it too late for me to be!? I think I decided simply not to be!

GRIEF (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

RAINDROPLETS FALLING SLOWLY DOWN MY FACE
KIND OF LOST LIKE READING A BOOK AND FORGETTING TO MARK IT SO YOU LOOSE YOUR PLACE
SWOLLEN EYELIDS RED FROM IRRITATION
TAUNTING FEELING OF BEING LOST IN TRANSLATION
LIPS QUIVER FROM THE OVERWHELM WALKING SLOWLY TOWARDS THE EDGE OF THE HELM
THOUGHTS FIRING THROUGH LIKE A RAPID MACHINE GUN
CREEPING FEELING THAT EVERYTHING IS DONE
WIND BLOWING ON MY FACE CREATED FROM THE TRAFFIC BELOW CARS WHIZZING BY WHILST LOST IN THOUGHT THAT I CAN’T SEEM TO KNOW
MAJOR TORMENT OF HOLDING ON TO THE METAL FENCE
OR JUST RELEASING AND LETTING GO OF ALL I HOLD SO TENSE
INDECISION STACKING UP AROUND MY MIND PRAYING TO GOD FOR HELP OF SOME KIND
NOT SURPRISED TO HAVE NO ANSWER FROM ABOVE ONLY THE TEARS ROLL FROM MY CHEEKS AND FLY DOWN TOWARDS THE TRAFFIC LIKE A DOVE
A DEAFENING SILENCE BUILDING ALL AROUND SHOULD I LET GO AND JUST MEET MY DEMISE ON THE GROUND?
SCREAMING FROM THE INSIDE FOR SOMEONE TO AID ME IN MY GRIEF JUST BY MYSELF NO ONE AROUND TO STOP ME FROM FALLING LIKE A LEAF
PALPITATIONS OF THE BODY CLAMBERING THROUGHOUT
UNTIL IT REACHES MY FINGERS AND THE BUZZING NUMBNESS
FORCES THE FINGERS TO RELEASE FROM THE FENCE
AND SUDDENLY, THE GROUND ABSORBS ALL THE BLOOD LIKE IT’S IN A DROUGHT.

NUMB (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

A DEEP CHASM OF EMPTINESS LOST IN THE THOUGHTS OF NOTHINGNESS
MY BODY SHRIVELS UP LIKE AN OVERDRIED RAISIN CRAVING FOR YOUR MOISTURE TO BRING ME BACK TO MY YOUTH

ALAS ALL I CAN DO IS CRAVE AND DREAM FOR EVEN THE SLIGHTEST MOVEMENT MY BODY WOULD GO INTO A STATE OF SHOCK THEN IT NEVER COMPLETELY FULFILLS

INADEQUACY SETS INSIDE ME WONDERING IF I’M EVER ENOUGH
ACTING LIKE IT DOESN’T MATTER BUT MY EMOTION IS WEAK ACTING ONLY TO BE TOUGH

I WISH I COULD BE LIKE YOU SO CONFIDENT WITH AN AIR OF ARROGANCE
YET I WONDER IS IT REALLY TRUE OR ARE YOU ALSO HIDING A SECRET PIECE THAT ONLY ONE WHO LIVES IT WILL EVER SEE

EVEN STILL I FEEL IT BETTER THAN MY OWN DEMISE FOR AT LEAST IN MY PERCEPTION YOU EXUDE A FRESH LIGHT OF BEING WISE

WHILST I’M FROZEN WITH NO EMOTION BUT REPETITIVELY ACT UPON MY OWN SLAVISH DEVOTION

OH ONLY IF I COULD ESCAPE THIS REALITY OF BEING NUMB ALBEIT THE PRESENT IS AN ILLUSION OF BEING HAPPY AND ACTING DUMB.

HATE (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

DETESTING THE ENTIRE WORLD FOR THEIR VINDICTIVENESS MADE KNOWN
DISPUTING MY OWN SPITEFULNESS COVERED UP SO AS TO NOT BE SHOWN
LOATHING THOSE WHO CONSISTENTLY DISAPPOINT MY HOPEFULNESS
DISGUSTED BY THEIR LACK OF SINCERETY AND KNOWINGNESS
YET I SIT AND JUDGE BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I SEE IS A REFLECTION
NEVER WOULD I ACTUALLY ADMIT THAT I DO LACK IN PERFECTION
JUST ECHOING EVERYONE’S ODIUMS
KNOWING THAT MY OWN REVULSION COULD FILL PLENTY OF AUDITORIUMS
AVERTING TRUTH BY THREATENING TO LOOSE RESPECT
SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THEY EVER REALLY SUSPECT
THAT MY KINDNESS IS FILLED WITH A PROFUSION OF MALICE
AND BRINGING THEM DOWN TO MY LEVEL OF HATE IS THE CHALICE
REPULSED BY ANYTHING THAT THREATENS TO HARM MY VICINITY
CAN’T BEAR TO THINK I COULD JUST DISAPPEAR IN OBSCURITY
OBSERVING IT ALL WITH WHAT LIGHT I HAVE LEFT
BUT DARKNESS ABSORBS ME COMPLETELY LIKE A THEFT
AN EXTREME DISLIKE PILFERING THROUGH MY LIFE
ALTHOUGH I AM A BIT MORE UPTONE THIS FEELING AT THIS MOMENT IS MY STRIFE!
SUCH A FOOLISHNESS MOOD I EVEN FIND INSUFFERABLE
I CAN’T BEAR TO STARE AT MYSELF SO DESPICABLE!
SUFFERING THROUGH THIS ANOMALY CALLED HATRED
REACHING FOR WORDS TO EXPRESS BETTER STATED
DISLIKING ALTOGETHER WHAT WRITTEN WORDS HAVE APPEARED
CAN’T STAND THIS POEM I WROTE, SHOULD HAVE HAD MY HAND SHEARED!
WHAT NONSENSE TO MAKE SUCH AN EFFORT TO RHYME
ESPECIALLY THIS ONE POEM I REALLY DON’T HAVE THE TIME!