ENTHUSIASM (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

From the deep dark chasm of my soul
Finally climbing my way out of the hole
Having such fervor for life once more
Eager to start a new and looking forward to what is in store

Engulfed in such lightness and zeal
Happy to find again truly what is real
Such gusto of adventure is ready to be explored
My being and wisdom I understand to be my Lord

Devoted to really living and never again be suppressed
This strength within me abhors the idea of being depressed
Intensely focused on all that there is to be had
Oh the clarity that I experience is a feeling of being glad

So much wins that one can have especially at this state
Some may say I’m a bit fanatic and others say, “That is great!”
See when you are in the emotion of enthusiasm life becomes particularly insouciant
Be able to be more flippant and play the game of life better and in addition fluent

Interesting you may say with a condescending smile
Of course it isn’t real to you because the majority still has a ways to go for miles
Many are in a state of apathy to see what is in front of them let alone what the future may hold
But the more you keep lifting yourself up by the bootstraps you will arrive, just keep being bold

I’m sure at certain moments in ones life they have experienced such enthusiasm
Like an infant being born or the smell of fresh new spring blossoms
Keenness of simplicity is an example of this
A zest for life is the achievement with a twist!

CONSERVATISM (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

As I awaken myself to higher places of emotions
I realize I am now at a state of conventional devotion
Conforming to what is perceived to be safe
No longer the avant-garde becoming more behaved

Old school ideas and traditions is what I have always been sold
Now my own cautiousness conveys my own story to be told
To bring about an understanding of my state of affairs
Careful not to have major changes ashamed at the stares

Having respect for those who chose to be traditionalist
I myself support these values as being marvelous
In awe of such a conservative state of mortality
Kind of uptight with little to know personality

The essence of being overly cautious can bring a false sense of security
I guess all in moderation is alright as long as one also looks for more activity
Otherwise the more careful one becomes
The less adventurous and free are in some

Morally speaking this feeling of conservatism is speculative
It all seems to me that this condition is quite tentative
Positioning myself to be a bit unadventurous
Promoting that it’s better to be a naturalist

What do I know about any of these things?
Except for my own experience of what it brings
A higher part of the lower state of the mind
But better at this level of any of its lower kind

Now if I’m not making any sense at all
It’s because my own understanding is somewhat wrapped up like a ball
Bring in the martinet so that I make sure I stick with my ideals
Now I know why one becomes a tyrant and how this person truly feels!

MILD INTEREST (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

Leniency towards life that are to me consequential
Just the basic drive for knowledge is very essential
Soft push to help my fellow man reach for something more
And escape the habitual emotion of being a bore

Gently I show just a bit of curiosity
Allowing a peaceable change in activity
The significance is somewhat insipid
No sudden movements nothing too rapid

Meekness in my voice illustrates my leisure pursuit
Conforming to the idea of “it’s all good” just follow suit
This mild interest in all that we possess
Has no room to really move up; feeling I only digress

Tis’ not awful and most definitely not virtuous
Only a sort of blasé to it all unscrupulous
I recommend not to get stuck in this state of being
Nothing about it at all is equally freeing

Yet I get how one can be so easygoing with his awareness
I’ve met a few on weed who think they are in this state of silliness
Where nothing matters and all is about living for today
Alas today is the present but the future is the way!

CONTENTED (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

Pleased at myself for being able to just not get bothered by such stupidity
Satisfied to know that I am able to express such emotion with lucidity
Happy that there are others who are searching for something more meaningful
That not all are shallow and imprudent about life which in essence would be cruel

Thoughtlessness is something that gets me very agitated
Now I can be at ease with others conciliated
This soothing resolve is somewhat still very new
But I do like the fact that I am free from anxiety composed and true
Going through each day relaxed and unperturbed
Seems as though nothing really is a problem and I’m no longer disturbed

The tranquility of my being may cause other’s feathers to be ruffled
Serenity encompasses me and I know longer have my emotions getting shuffled
My hysteria has been raked up to the degree it is all collected
No longer worried at the idea of being utterly rejected
Contented that all is well and nothing is truly that dire
I can now sense from a mile away evil and any and all liars
It maybe shocking to those who don’t understand
But once you’ve arrived at this state it in fact feels quite grand!

Beyond doubt a contentedness overpowers all of my being
For I genuinely understand and I’m no longer reeling
Comfortable with anything that turns up in my path
Everyone can celebrate now that the end has come to Cassandra’s Wrath!!!

LOVE

As I look out in the appearance of darkness
Something bright shimmers in the horizon
Is it a jewel's reflection from the bright sun
Could it be the light of his holiness

Gazing upon it as it approaches me
Relieved to know a friend is there to lend his hand
The knowledge I've been seeking for throughout the land
Has always been there and now another inspired me to see!

Thank you for your kindness I say
He nods and grabs my hand to show me the way
A gentle touch and then we connect
two beings on a journey now able to reflect.

Such pure chemistry full of understanding
No discord of any sort to have any reprimanding
Selfless acts between to terminals that want just to help
Awareness of the admiration that emanates from the self.

Love is a word that makes my heart flutter
And sometimes can even make one stutter
An explosion of feelings all meshed up within
Such unforgiving passion electrified by sin
Not at all a fairytale that is G - Rated
Just a massive hunger of pure animal behavior simply stated!

BOREDOM (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

LISTENING IN ON HOW JADED PEOPLE ARE ABOUT THEIR SUPPOSED PASSION
GETS ME FED UP WITH HAVING TO LISTEN TO THEM IN THIS FASHION
UNINTERESTED WITH WHAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY
WISHING TO BE SOME OTHER PLACE MORE FASCINATING OR JUST TO HAVE A BETTER DAY
TIRED FROM HAVING TO EXPLAIN WHY I SEARCH FOR MORE
WHEN ALL I REALLY WANT OTHERS TO DO IS JUST PLEASE WALK THEMSELVES OUT THE DOOR
BORED TO TEARS WITH SUCH IRKSOME FUTILITIES
WEARY OF THE ACCEPTANCE OF LACK OF ABILITIES
TURNED OFF BY MY OWN SELFISH UNKNOWINGNESS
TEDIOUSLY SEARCHING FOR MY NIRVANA OR IS IT CALLED SELF BLISS?
AN OBSERVATION OF THE WORLD-WEARINESS IS VERY DISCONCERTING
CONFUSED TO THE POINT OF BEING INTROVERTED AND PAINFULLY HURTING
PERPLEXED BY THE IDEA THAT ONE COULD BE IN A STATE OF BOREDOM
ALARMED AT THE FACT THAT A WHOLE SOCIETY COULD BE SO IN THIS KINGDOM
IT’S TIRING TO HAVE SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO SEARCHING FOR SELF TRUTH
SOMETIMES WILLING TO ACCEPT THE UNBEARABLE TO SOOTH
BUT THEN AGAIN THE WAY OUT IS THE WAY THROUGH SO I’M TOLD
THIS IS ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET THROUGH THIS BORED PHASE AND NOT FOLD

MONOTONY (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

AS I AWAKE FROM MY SLEEP I GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF MY MORNING ROUTINE
THE REPETITIVENESS OF MY ACTIONS REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS BACK IN MY TEENS
ISN’T IT INTERESTING HOW THE SAMENESS OF OUR LIVES CONSTITUTES A SENSE OF SURVIVAL
LIKE WE’VE SOMEHOW AGREED THAT SAME ACTIONS RESULTS IN OUR ARRIVAL
BUT WHERE DID WE ARRIVE AT OR IS IT JUST AN ILLUSION OF SOME SORT OF ACCOMPLISHMENT
OR IS IT SOMETHING DEEPER OF OUR OWN MINDLESS TESTAMENT?
I DON’T MEAN TO SOUND AT ALL CYNICAL BUT ONLY QUESTION WHAT IS THIS ENNUI THAT WE CONTINUE TO ACCEPT IN OUR LIVES
CORRECTION, I SHOULD SPEAK OF MY OWN LANGUOR WHICH CALLS ATTENTION ON MY OWN DRIVE
THIS HOMOGENOUS LIFESTYLE THAT WE SEEM TO AGREE UPON
PERSONALLY I CAN’T ENDURE ITS MONOTONY AND I SHOUT OUT LOUD THAT I AM DONE!!!
SUCH TEDIUS CONSISTENCY GETS ME IN A STATE OF DREAD
THE REGULARITY OF MY STANDARDIZED LIFE MAKES ME WISH I WERE DEAD!
UNIFORMLY I OF COURSE WAVER UPON MY OWN RESOLUTION
BECAUSE I ONLY ARRIVE AT THE DULLNESS OF MY OWN DECISIONS

A SCORCHING REALITY ( A COLLECTION OF POETRY)

Passing by an enormous cloud of smoke
Not realizing that such beauty could turn into a major tragedy
Seeing all the crazy evacuation and the terrified faces of these folks
Consumed too much polluted air head is spinning feeling like I'm loosing gravity
I turn to see what is up ahead in the brilliant red orange gleem
Is it my savior come to take me and wash my hands clean?
Suddenly all is blackness not sure if I fainted
Just remembering everything around me was overwhelmingly tainted
I hear a voice saying everything will be alright, my mind immediately reminisces the Bob Marley song
Again this voice now saying hang in there! Which jolts me back to the present situation
And I realize that it wasn't my savior singing me a song from Bob Marley but a fireman who lifts me up like I'm light as a feather and takes me to a safer location
Reprieved to know that my life hasn't ended and for the first time I'm okay with being wrong.

ANTAGONISM (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

WHAT YOU DID TO ME I CANNOT FORGIVE YOU AT THIS MOMENT
MY ENMITY STOPS ME FROM GRANTING YOU YOUR ATONEMENT
YOU CAN’T PRETEND TO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE SUCH ANIMOSITY
WHEN YOU BROUGHT THIS ABOUT BY YOUR VERY OWN HOSTILITY
THIS BITTERNESS IN ME IS LIKE A RANCID TASTING RED WINE
SUCH ANTIPATHY YOU SHOULD BE READING AS A CAUTIOUS SIGN
COOPERATING WITH YOU IS NOT OF ANY INTEREST
HONESTLY I HAVE TO SAY I DISLIKE YOUR FRIENDLINESS
ILL FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU HAVE NOW BEEN ESTABLISHED
I FIND YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES ALL FILLED WITH RUBBISH
STOP EXPLAINING WHAT EXCUSES YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MISTAKES
THE RESENTMENT I FEEL FOR YOU IS BECAUSE ALL YOU ARE IS A FAKE!
LAUGHING AT THE VERY THOUGHT THAT YOU ALSO COULD HAVE ILL WILL
TRUTHFULLY MY ANTAGONISM KEEPS ME FROM EVEN CARING BECAUSE ALL I THINK OF IS FOR YOU TO BE KILLED!
WELL NOT COMPLETELY EXTERMINATED BUT JUST ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU SUFFER AND TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH YOU OFFENDED ME EXASPERATED!
I GUESS I COULD FORGIVE YOU....BUT NO! I WANT YOU TO SUFFER A LITTLE AND GET A BIT LOW
OH! ALRIGHT! FINE! I GUESS I SHOULD SHOW SOME COMPASSION AND EXONERATE
SINCE IT IS WITHIN MY POWER TO KNOW THAT KINDNESS IS NEVER TOO LATE

ANGRY (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

ANNOYED AT THE LAST POEM I WROTE NOW A COMPLETE FEELING OF RAGE I MUST EMOTE!
INFURIATED BY MY LACK OF CREATIVITY TOO RILED UP TO EXTEND MY ABILITY!
WHAT STUPIDITY WAS THAT IN MY LAST LIMERICK! I WANT OTHERS TO GET MAD AT ME AND HIT ME WITH SOME BRICKS!
WAY TOO MAD TO EVEN SPEAK OF THIS
WANTING TO HIT SOMEONE OR UTTERLY JUST CUT MY WRIST!
GNASHING MY TEETH AT ANY SOUND THAT IS MADE
DESIRING TO SLASH IT SILENT WITH A BLADE!
PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME WITH MY MADNESS INFURIATED
I DO BELIEVE THEY HIDE WHAT THEY FEEL ABOUT ME IRRITATED!
INDESCRIBABLE RESENTMENT TOWARDS ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY
UNSPEAKABLE PROFANITIES VOMITING OUT OF MY MOUTH
REVOLTED BY THE LACK OF ORDER THAT LOOKS AS IF IT WENT AWAY
RAPIDLY DRIVING MY HORRENDOUS THOUGHTS FURTHER SOUTH!
BOILING FEELINGS REACHING THE HIGHEST FAHRENHEIT
SWELTERING UP AND CRINGING AT MY OWN MISPLACED SPITE!
GOING FURTHER ASTRAY BALKING AT MYSELF ABSOLUTELY ENRAGED
TOTALLY CONFUSED OF WHAT I AM ANGRY AT OF WHICH I’M UTTERLY ENGAGED!
SHOUTING AND YELLING GETTING ALL EXASPERATED
LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR WANTING TO THROW A ROCK AT IT INFURIATED!
LONGING TO JUST MAKE ANOTHER SEE RED
BUT ANGER WITHIN ME IS ALL I GET INSTEAD!
STEADILY I CONTINUE TO WIND MYSELF UP
ONLY WISHING THAT WHATEVER IS MAKING MY BLOOD BOIL TO PLEASE JUST STOP!
REACTING LIKE A SNAKE THAT IS READY TO LUNGE AND BITE
JUST LIKE AN OBSESSED BOXER WHO IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A FIGHT!
KNOWING FULL WELL SOMETHING IS RISING WITHIN MYSELF
NOTICING THAT ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS FOR SOMEONE TO COME AND HELP.

ANXIETY (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

NOT HAVING CERTAINTY WITH WHAT TO DO WITH ONESELF
FILLED WITH WORRY AND NO ONE TO TURN TO FOR HELP
FRETTING ABOUT SOME SILLY LITTLE THING
CONSUMED BY ITS OBLIQUE IMPORTANCE OF WHAT IT COULD BRING
NERVOUSNESS ENCOMPASSING MY PERFORMANCE
KNOWING FOR SURE THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE HAS TOWARDS ME MALEVOLENCE
OBSESSING IN REGARDS TO WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK
HAVING ANGST ON KEEPING A CLOSE WATCH AND DON’T FOR ONE SECOND BLINK
THIS EXPENDED APPREHENSION SOMETIMES GIVES ME A TIC
SOME ODD HABIT WHICH PERSISTS AND I CAN’T SEEM TO LICK!
GUZZLING DOWN TOO MUCH UNIMPORTANT INFORMATION
DROWNING IN STUTTERED WORDS WHICH GOES IN DEVIATION
PLAYING WITH YOUR HAIR BITING ON YOUR FINGERNAILS
ALL THIS DISQUIET TO DIRECT SOME RELEASE SO AS TO NOT GO OFF THE RAILS
WONDERING IF IT ISN’T REALLY TOO LATE TO HAVE GONE DOWN SO DEEP
SINCE ONE IS CONTINUALLY HAVING PROBLEMS WITH LACK OF SLEEP
EVEN THE ASSONANCE OF MY WRITING REFLECTS A BIT OF UNEASE
LETTING LOOSE OF THE MADNESS OF MY MIND TO APPEASE
CIRCULATING IDEAS OF SENSELESS PHILOSOPHIES
ALL CAUGHT UP IN WILD PROFANITIES
ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT ONES FEARS DEVOTED TO SPORADIC ATTENTION BRINGING ONE TO TEARS
CONCERNED ABOUT SUCH MINUTE STUFF PERPLEXED BY ANOTHERS REBUFF
DISCOURAGED TO A POINT OF COMPLETE ANGST NO REASSURANCE AT ALL FOR THEIR BANKS
THIS ANXIETY GETS VERY OVERWHELMING PSYCHIATRIST NAMED IT A.D.D.
THEY HAVE EVEN GONE TO A POINT WHERE THEY PRESCRIBE YOU MEDICATION
AND THE RESULT IS YOUR MOTIVATION TO BE INSANE AND JUST GO LA DADEE DADA DEE DEE!
OH PLEASE TAKE THIS ANXIETY AWAY I DON’T WANT IT RUNNING ANYMORE ON AUTOPLAY!

APATHY (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

LACK OF INTEREST IN ALL THAT THERE IS
NO ENERGY TO SHOW OF LIKE A DAY OLD SODA THAT HAS LOST ALL ITS FIZZ
DROOPINESS SHOWING IN THE EYES
MISTAKEN FOR BOREDOM WHICH REALLY IS JUST MORE OF A DISGUISE
A LETHARGIC LIFE FILLED OF NO HOPE
COPING ONLY WITH CHEMICAL SUBSTANCES THAT WE CALL DOPE
SMOKING IT UP FALSIFYING THAT EVERYTHING IS GREAT
KNOWING FULL WELL THAT IN OUR MINDS WE ALL THINK IT’S TOO LATE!
OUR INDIFFERENCE TOWARDS WHAT IS THERE ONLY GOES TO THE POINT OF GETTING NOWHERE
THE LANGUOR OF THIS BODY IS UNBEARABLE
BUT YET WE COPE SIMPLY TO BE SUSTAINABLE
WHICH MERELY STATES THAT OUR WEARINESS CONTINUES ON
JUST A DREAM THAT ONE DAY IT ALL WILL BE GONE
LACK OF WILLPOWER TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
EVEN STILL MY MOTIVATION IS ONLY TO STARE AND SIT
NO CHOICE OR CONTROL LOST IN MYSTERY
BUT MOST OF ALL PRESENTLY LIVING IN HISTORY
FUTURE IS TOO FAR TO SEE THE PRESENT IS TOO CLOSE TO BE
BUT THE PAST FEELS SAFE TO HIDE IN
SO THE MIND GOES THERE TO ABIDE
NOT REALIZING THE BODY IS STILL COPING WITH NO RESPONSIBILITY AT ALL
SO IT CREATES PROBLEMS AND ACCIDENTS JUST WAITING FOR THAT GREAT FALL!
STOMACHING AND HOLDING IN THE PAIN SUBSIDING IT WITH A ZOMBIE LIKE DISDAIN.
GIVING AN APATHETIC SMILE NOT INTERESTED IN MUCH DOING SO BUT ONLY ONCE IN A WHILE
THIS APATHY FEELS SO HOPELESS LIKE NOTHING IS WORTH IT FEELING ALL TOO USELESS
DOOMED TO FAILURE THE BLEAKNESS OF MY EXISTENCE
NOT INTERESTED AT ALL IN BEING PERSISTENT.
DAYS AND YEARS THEY ALL GO BY
HOWEVER DEEP DOWN ALL I WANT TO DO IS SILENTLY CRY!

TO BE OR NOT TO BE (Inspired by a friend over lunch)

Countless tribulations that make it so very difficult to be
All answers are pointing to just be rid of it and not to be me
Questions fill my mind of thoughts of suicide but the ego steps in with too much pride
Lurking in the dark are queries of how one can accomplish such an atrocity
Yet the enormous difficulties make this issue much simpler to have such veracity
The issue of should I get a revolver and wrap my quivering lips around it
Alas the resolution would be an unrecognizable face and the mortician will have trouble and throw a fit
Not to mention the mess that would make and the nightmares of the one who finds me must now partake
Ah hah! A simpler more silent means is to get a noose and kick the chair from under me
But what if it doesn’t work and somehow the rope breaks; now a bruise is apparent for others to see!
A better solution is to find a bridge and just jump into the abyss
Ah bugger! With my luck it won’t be sudden and end up crippled because I missed!
Just get on with it already! Here is a bottle of Aspirins and a bottle of Gin
Take it and consume it all so that is where I shall begin
The sour taste of the aspirins as they wash down my throat
A smooth strong taste of gin burning as it is swallowed – I sit back and gloat
Oh God! What did I just do what stupidity! What madness!
I don’t want to die like this consumed with sadness!
My body starts to wobble my head is feeling hazy
Tears overflowing I realize I need help because I’m crazy!
Is it too late for me to be!? I think I decided simply not to be!

NUMB (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

A DEEP CHASM OF EMPTINESS LOST IN THE THOUGHTS OF NOTHINGNESS
MY BODY SHRIVELS UP LIKE AN OVERDRIED RAISIN CRAVING FOR YOUR MOISTURE TO BRING ME BACK TO MY YOUTH

ALAS ALL I CAN DO IS CRAVE AND DREAM FOR EVEN THE SLIGHTEST MOVEMENT MY BODY WOULD GO INTO A STATE OF SHOCK THEN IT NEVER COMPLETELY FULFILLS

INADEQUACY SETS INSIDE ME WONDERING IF I’M EVER ENOUGH
ACTING LIKE IT DOESN’T MATTER BUT MY EMOTION IS WEAK ACTING ONLY TO BE TOUGH

I WISH I COULD BE LIKE YOU SO CONFIDENT WITH AN AIR OF ARROGANCE
YET I WONDER IS IT REALLY TRUE OR ARE YOU ALSO HIDING A SECRET PIECE THAT ONLY ONE WHO LIVES IT WILL EVER SEE

EVEN STILL I FEEL IT BETTER THAN MY OWN DEMISE FOR AT LEAST IN MY PERCEPTION YOU EXUDE A FRESH LIGHT OF BEING WISE

WHILST I’M FROZEN WITH NO EMOTION BUT REPETITIVELY ACT UPON MY OWN SLAVISH DEVOTION

OH ONLY IF I COULD ESCAPE THIS REALITY OF BEING NUMB ALBEIT THE PRESENT IS AN ILLUSION OF BEING HAPPY AND ACTING DUMB.

HATE (AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY)

DETESTING THE ENTIRE WORLD FOR THEIR VINDICTIVENESS MADE KNOWN
DISPUTING MY OWN SPITEFULNESS COVERED UP SO AS TO NOT BE SHOWN
LOATHING THOSE WHO CONSISTENTLY DISAPPOINT MY HOPEFULNESS
DISGUSTED BY THEIR LACK OF SINCERETY AND KNOWINGNESS
YET I SIT AND JUDGE BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I SEE IS A REFLECTION
NEVER WOULD I ACTUALLY ADMIT THAT I DO LACK IN PERFECTION
JUST ECHOING EVERYONE’S ODIUMS
KNOWING THAT MY OWN REVULSION COULD FILL PLENTY OF AUDITORIUMS
AVERTING TRUTH BY THREATENING TO LOOSE RESPECT
SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THEY EVER REALLY SUSPECT
THAT MY KINDNESS IS FILLED WITH A PROFUSION OF MALICE
AND BRINGING THEM DOWN TO MY LEVEL OF HATE IS THE CHALICE
REPULSED BY ANYTHING THAT THREATENS TO HARM MY VICINITY
CAN’T BEAR TO THINK I COULD JUST DISAPPEAR IN OBSCURITY
OBSERVING IT ALL WITH WHAT LIGHT I HAVE LEFT
BUT DARKNESS ABSORBS ME COMPLETELY LIKE A THEFT
AN EXTREME DISLIKE PILFERING THROUGH MY LIFE
ALTHOUGH I AM A BIT MORE UPTONE THIS FEELING AT THIS MOMENT IS MY STRIFE!
SUCH A FOOLISHNESS MOOD I EVEN FIND INSUFFERABLE
I CAN’T BEAR TO STARE AT MYSELF SO DESPICABLE!
SUFFERING THROUGH THIS ANOMALY CALLED HATRED
REACHING FOR WORDS TO EXPRESS BETTER STATED
DISLIKING ALTOGETHER WHAT WRITTEN WORDS HAVE APPEARED
CAN’T STAND THIS POEM I WROTE, SHOULD HAVE HAD MY HAND SHEARED!
WHAT NONSENSE TO MAKE SUCH AN EFFORT TO RHYME
ESPECIALLY THIS ONE POEM I REALLY DON’T HAVE THE TIME!